Joe the Plumber tapped for Labor Secretary

First off, every time I watch these guys speak I think candidate, that's a hell of a word.

Here's how I break it down:

Candid + Date

An honest person I'd like to sleep with.

Now how'd that end up being used to describe over the hill, homely, professional bullshit artists?

Anyway, a word of advice to the candidates: stop trying to show you're part of the great unwashed masses. You're all independently wealthy and haven't held a real job in years. You're nothing like the vast majority of Americans. Stop throwing shout outs to:

• Joe Sixpack
  
• Joe the Plumber
• Joey Danco who doesn't know what it costs to fully fill his tank since he can't afford to (and apparently can't do some simple math to figure out)
• Your local Home Depot (where you go "all the time")
  

Its painfully embarrassing for all parties involved. Its like watching the poker scene in the 40 year old virgin. You're so obviously out of your element. The kind of people that actually buy into these anecdotes are already voting for or against you based on flag pins, your name, party, or some other insignificant fact. So leave that shit at the door.

If you're anything like me you were disgusted by the debates. The moderators and questions did improve, but the candidates and format continue to disappoint. Here's a breakdown of the campaign's time spent:


2 years stumping, repeating the same points, and trashing the other guy behind their back, and then 3 90 minutes sessions where they actually sit down together. When the political process is closer to an outtake of Laguna Beach then to Meet The Press it needs to be burnt to the ground and rebuilt.

Politics has always been the art of the soundbite and the debate format aggravates the situation. The debates present a massive audience and limited talk time, so you try to monopolize the time and avoid detail that your opponent could seize upon. Its impossible to argue against a statement like "the American worker is the best in the world" without committing political seppuku.

Forget the format, have them sit down for as long as it takes. 4 hours, 8 hours, multiple sessions, whatever. Let them speak as long as they want to. The moderator proposes a topic during a lull and then gets out of the way and lets the candidates discuss it until they run out of gas.

We're turning over the keys to the nation to individuals who've only offered the vaguest of details about what they intend on doing. At the very least, we should know exactly what their first 100 days as president would look like (baring crisis). When they drop a trite comment like "I'll go through the budget line by line" drop the federal budget in front of them and tell them to start marking it up. We'll wait. Take it home, consult with your staff, and bring it back next week. I don't care. But make sure you bring back details.

These guys have nothing more important to do. They're ignoring their Senate duties. They return occasionally for votes that make a statement (the financial crisis, off-shore drilling). The rest of their time is cultish repetition to the basest elements of their own party. Here's a hint: If your crowd starts chanting "Change", "Drill baby drill", or "Nobama" (Wow) you're dealing with sheep. These people will vote for you even if you down a 12 pack and crash your tour bus into a busy orphanage playground while laying pipe on their sister in the passenger seat. Throw the people who aren't borderline autistic a bone.