The month in politics

Arlen Specter changed parties. He didn't like the direction Republicans are going. Understandable. So you jump ship to the Democrats? What are you a fucking moron? Did you grow up on a steady diet of paint chips?

You're an incumbent and well-known to your constituency. The only reason anyone needs a party is that they've become indispensable to getting initially elected. Political parties have wedged themselves in to the system in the same manner that the Candiru fish jams itself into an unsuspecting native's bladder while they take a leak. Its gotten to the point where major surgery is the only option. No matter how hard you groan and grunt you can't excrete these parasites. They've got a stranglehold on America's collective cock and balls.

The two keys to being elected in America are:

1. Running for the dominant party in your district
2. Spending the most money
   

~70% of the country votes on the basis of whether there's an R or D next to your name.

Wikipedia's image revised to take into account reality

Yes, unfortunately 7 out of 10 Americans are autistic cunts. If your district is predominantly your party you win by default. There's a short list of things that can ruin the deal. Any kind of sex act involving feces and children is strictly verboten. Help the old lady across the street, don't push her into oncoming traffic as she drones on about her grandchildren. Don't kill anyone and leave enough evidence behind to convince voters you actually did it (Anything less than a fully commented video tape, gallon of semen, bloody knife with your prints, and a notarized confession falls into the reasonable doubt category for party voters) . Avoid that and you're golden.

Here's my problem with political parties. They encourage a one size fits all mentality. They put out a platform that runs the whole gamut on every issue under the sun. The Republicans' is 67 pages, the Dems' 58. It was all put together by committee and is mostly self aggrandizing bull shit. There should not be a single person on this goddam planet that agrees with more than half of either document. If you can accurately sum up your positions in one word I've got a shorter one: fucktard.

What if I believe in a small government, but would prefer a stance on civil rights that doesn't resemble the Spanish Inquisition? I like guns, but don't need a fucking assault rifle to protect myself. Nor do I want Jimbo or Jamal running out to grab one. For that matter neither would the Founding Fathers. The Constitution was written in a time when state of the art firearms were inaccurate and slow. Hold on I'm powdering my flintlock and loading a small irregularly shaped ball.

There are nuances to these issues that are bulldozed by the parties to encourage a homogeneous meshing. Hot button issues are propagated as a way of dividing the country so we don't focus on the truly colossal failure of these 2 institutions. It rallies morons from bible colleges and political science departments alike to go canvas shopping malls and annoy everyone. It brings out the extremists.

In 15 minutes with a fucking crayon I could fairly solve what legislators have spent years putting together intricate bill signing ceremonies, stocking courtrooms with similarly biased judges, etc.

Here goes:
The golden rule: Morals start at home. Don't expect anyone to teach them to your children. You want them, you better instill them yourself.

Follow up: Don't try to force your morals on anyone else. This is America. The only time my rights should be restricted is if they are in conflict with yours.

Given those two principals my stance on everything else should be evident, but in the next post I'll go through it. I've already sat on this one for 2 months, time to put something out.